Simon

Simon Turbett (also known as 'Turdy') is a monster hunter. He is obsessed with monsters and wants to prove that the monsters exist and have penises. He is not very wealthy, and dresses in coats from Kmart, and has never had a girlfriend. The lenses of his black glasses are fashioned from coke bottles, and he enjoys playing World of Warcraft and eating dry porridge. He does not shower regularly, and has bad acne, despite being 43 years old. The only relationship Simon has in his life, is with his refrigerator. Due to his large pot belly, he has not seen his dick in a number of years.

Simon is violently allergic to most things, and has asthma, psoriasis and a latent case of chylamidia, which he secretly enjoys having. Simon enjoys sneaking around his office after hours, opening the desktop computer cases of his colleagues and taking a huge steaming shit inside the case. And then carefully clipping it back together and walking away. Simon has a prolapsed anus, and the act of straining on the toilet also caused one of his eyes to become permanently lazy, drooping down to point in the direction of his penis whilst he talks to another person. He is also extremely short.

Looks
Simon has blue hair and black glasses. He has thin, chapped lips, and one slightly lazy eye. His shoes were extremely evil (although it never came up on the television show). His head is shaped like a baked bean tin, but not as intelligent.